I'm fine. Fiiiiiine.

Just a quick update, before I resume regular posting (soon, I hope).

More or less.

My friend sent me an innocuous message this morning, asking how my day is going. I thought I might share the avalanche she found herself under as a result with you guys too. Because who doesn't like a poo story?

No-one, that's who. (If you are now lost in the double negatives, let's pretend it's on purpose).

Good Morn. How goes it? < innocuous question from my nice friend

Here comes the avalanche >

Shall I copy and paste what I was writing Simon? Yup yup yup. Here goes:

Round 1, first message to Simon, sent at 9:01 am:

"Both boys were on worst behaviour (screams, poos everywhere, throwing things, hitting brothers) so I abandoned them upstairs and went to have my coffee in peace. It was glorious. Much better start of the day for all concerned!"

(can you hear the foreshadowing music building up as I so blithely announce I have turned the day around?)

Second message to Simon, sent at 9:45 am:

"Round 2 of the boys' day involved another poo-fest (of the yellow variety) requiring an entire outfit change, an older brother sitting on his little brother whilst their mother was trying to limit the spread of the yellow poo-fest (spoiler: she failed), said older brother on time-out whilst little brother was screaming his head off, an ominous silence from the time-out zone seeping its way into the mother's consciousness, whilst little brother was still protesting being changed with the full force of his lungs, a rushed trip upstairs to check on the penitent, a play tent pulled into a cot, the balls normally inhabiting said tent spread everywhere and a mother who had to run away from the scene so she wouldn't spoil the disciplining by laughing."

"As we speak, Jude is still battling his way out of the tent, whilst Gabriel screams but I've elected to take refuge downstairs again to ponder whether I should drink an entire bottle of whisky or keep some leftovers because it's not even 10 am yet, and our children seem to be on fire."

How is YOUR day going?

But you know what is the saddest? My phone took a solo trip in my step-father-in-law's car on Saturday and I haven't got it back yet, so I haven't got a single photo of our epic morning to share with you.

So sad.