Being Martha

I have struggled with this post for quite a long time. I keep trying to write it, and then I worry it will just sound like stealth bragging, conceit, or whining. But the urge to write it is not going away, so I will attempt to push through with it.

***

When I was a child, I was always incensed by the “unjust” parables. The 99 sheep versus the lost one, the prodigal son, and Martha and Mary (not a parable, I know, but go with me here). Especially Martha and Mary.

I think to some extent, every one struggles with how counter-intuitive these parables are, but over the years, I have come to realise that I am the lost sheep and the prodigal son, and thank God that God is not fair. But I am also Martha. Definitely Martha.

Martha resonates I think because whilst the others are actual parables, and therefore feel exaggerated, or at least exemplary, Martha is, Martha was, and Martha feels real. We have all been there. Demanding justice, asking for fairness, and “why can’t she help?”

And the thing is, Jesus doesn’t tell Martha to sit down. He says that Mary shall not be made to stand up. It is unfair.

I was prepared for many struggles when I became a mum, I read the blogs and the manifestos and the “you won’t sleep” and “your house will be a disaster” and the “you won’t be able to take a shower for days” and I was fully ready to give myself a break. What I didn’t expect was to be the sorted one. Being organised and having a clean house, that took me by surprise.

So I am Martha. And the thing they don’t tell you about Martha is the internal monologue which leads to “why can’t she help?”. The Evil One whispering in her ear “No-one has your back. You can’t let go of a single thing, because no-one has your back. The others are struggling more. And no matter how nice they are, they kind of resent you for being the sorted one. So no-one will have your back. You are all alone.”

That’s why, in my head, I'm often catching myself thinking: “why can’t she help? Why can’t I be the helped one for once?”

On better days, I know why she can't. Because Mary does struggle more, that is why she is at the feet of Christ. According to tradition, Mary had sinned heavily before she found herself clinging to Christ. There is a desperation in her clinging, like the mother of a sick child, grasping and gasping for air in the struggle. 

That’s not to say I think Martha is not clinging to Christ. She seems to need him in a different way. Martha is sorted, she knows what to do and she does it. Just like that. But she also believes. She goes and tells Him off for being late, because she knows had He been on time, Lazarus would have lived – her faith is strong, she just hasn’t quite let go of the world like her sister has. She is the practical one, the sorted one. And I can see the excesses in her tendency, I really, really can. Being worldly. Pride. I can see why Christ rebukes her.

But all the same, I kind of want to say “I hear you, sister. I’ll have your back”.

Will you have mine?

The Ten Best Baby Books We Own (in English)

I recently finished a very good book (this one), which helped me re-focus on the joy of reading aloud with the children, even when they are too young for stories, but can delight in the rhythms and cadences of words. Sarah Mackenzie points out that the most important thing is to help your child feel connected to you, and bonding through books is the best!

The only hiccough with very small children is that many books aimed for them are counting/colour/animal primers, and unless the illustrations are REALLY captivating, you will soon want to pull your eyes and ears out. But children also want to read them over and over again. Which is a problem.

So, ideally, what we need are books that can withstand 34909285687 readings in a row, and that's a pretty tall order. No adult book is ever submitted to that kind of scrutiny! But that is not even all! The other things you need are books that are short enough to keep the one year-old interested, with beautiful enough images to keep the 2 and 4 year-olds looking, and language that gives enough pleasure to the adult reader that s/he won't mind going straight back to the beginning at the end.

So, without further ado, I present to you, the ten books in our house which come closest to accomplishing this feat (in the order they appear on my shelves, so pretty random!):

1 - Whose Toes Are Those? - Jabari Asim

This is a very sweet book, completely delightful, and the images are gorgeous. It's in pretty constant demand in our house, and I don't mind one bit!

NB: It's an American book, so at one point, it talks about going "all the way to England", which is obviously not that impressive for us, but no-one batted an eyelid.

2 - Barnyard Dance - Sandra Boynton

I wouldn't say the illustrations are the most beautiful I have ever seen, but this book is pure fun, and I dare you to pretend like you don't want to join in the dance just a teensy bit!

3 - Peepo - Janet and Allan Ahlberg

The Ahlbergs are fabulous at creating books that you just want to look at that little bit longer, because of all the sweet details in every image. This one actually encourages you to do just that, and it's a pretty good antidote to the 327594382 re-readings which WILL happen.

4 - Each Peach Pear Plum - Janet and Allan Ahlberg

Another Ahlberg masterpiece. Even the very small children with no knowledge of the fairy tales they refer to, love looking for the hidden characters, and it keeps the book delightful for the older ones when they suddenly "get" the references.

5 - Monkey And Me - Emily Gravett

I love Emily Gravett. She has the ability to tell stories in very few words, the drawings are absolutely delightful but also sparse. I don't know how she does it! 

NB: As you can see from the title, the book is not perfectly grammatically correct - she's reproducing the language pattern of a child - but if that is enough to keep you from it, then it's your loss!

6 - Where's Bear - Emily Gravett

This was Jude's number one absolute favourite for the longest time. This is another example of Emily Gravett's genius, with even simpler language.

Her books are some of the ones I always seek out, because I know she will not disappoint. I would have added Matilda's Cat to this top 10, except we don't actually own it, we just borrow it from the library. A lot.

7 - Oi Frog - Kes Gray

Hilarious, lots of fun details, the kids will be reciting it along in no time. Plus, it draws attention to the mechanics of rhyming. What's not to love!

Actually, one thing: the author has since written 2 or 3 more on exactly the same pattern, and that is a bit annoying. But just get the original one and ignore the rest!

8 - Sheep in a Jeep - Nancy Shaw

I see a bit of a pattern here, because this is another example of a book with very simple language used beautifully and paired with lovely illustrations with lots of details that keep you looking. Also, I still chuckle a bit at the end, and that is no mean feat, because I have read this book A LOT.

9 - Goodnight Moon - Margaret Wise Brown

Of course. All children are completely and universally mesmerised by this book. And it IS lovely to read. But really, you need to read this analysis of it by Raquel D'Apice on The Ugly Volvo, and this book will become the official funniest thing you own. Trust me and go read her piece.

10 - Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See - Bill Martin Jr

This one is beautiful and will delight your children so much you won't mind re-reading again. 

Bonus - Little Miss Austen: Pride And Prejudice - Jennifer Adams

My children aren't actually that interested in this one but I am, so I don't care, and I'll keep reading it. And that's saying a lot for a counting primer.

Here you go. Now you can go read to your babies.

Coming soon:

What's up with the French baby books?

Best picture books we own (in English)

Best picture books we own (in French)

Mais où sont passés les (bons) livres pour bébé ?

J’ai récemment cherché à compléter notre collection de livres pour tout petits (pour l’anniversaire de Mathilde – le reste de la famille en a assez que je ne leur donne que des idées de livres pour les anniversaires de mes enfants, du coup je suis obligée de les acheter moi-même, ma vie est clairement un enfer). 

Plein de livres!

J’ai trouvé plein de choses fantastiques (voir ici pour les meilleurs livres pour tout petits), mais j’ai bien dû me rendre à l’évidence, en français, il n’y avait rien de rien.

Alors, c’est sûr, je suis un peu difficile. Je cherche des livres très simples, avec des illustrations captivantes (jolies c’est mieux, mais intéressantes suffit), je ne veux pas juste une liste de mots sans dialogue, ni une histoire complexe. Juste des phrases qui font plaisir à lire (poétiques, super, mais rigolotes c’est très bien aussi), des répétitions ou des rimes pour aider le tout petit à remarquer les mots et puis quelque chose d’intéressant, pour que je survive aux huit mille inévitables relectures.

Les anglophones font ça très bien. Les francophones, franchement moins. 

C’est une vraie perte je trouve, parce que moi j’adore la façon dont les Anglais utilisent les nonsense poems, tous ces textes qui ont pour but de faire rire et/ou simplement d’encourager la dégustation des mots (la longue tradition des Lewis Caroll, Hilaire Belloc ou Spike Milligan) et à mon avis ça commence là, dans les jolis livres pour tout petits. Qui sont bien plus une préparation pour une vie passée à apprécier les livres que les livres qu’on voit partout, à tirettes, roulettes ou petites-puces-qui-font-de-la-musique. Parce que souvent le but de ces livres gadgets (qui ont plein d’avantages, hein, on est d’accord !) c’est de laisser l’enfant tout seul avec le livre. Des livres-jouets donc.

Où sont les livres qu’on lit avec son petit, pour partager ensemble le plaisir des mots ?

Dans toute ma collection (et j’ai une grande collection – j’ai un petit problème avec les livres pour enfants) j’ai réussi à en trouver trois qui correspondent à mes exigences. Et qui ne sont pas du tout au niveau de mes préférés en anglais. Ça fait pas beaucoup. Donc allez ! Auteurs ! Un petit effort !

Tutti Frutti – Modeste Madoré



Mes parents ont ramené ce livre de la Réunion et ça a été le premier livre auquel Jude a accroché. Une façon très mignonne d’introduire en même temps les noms des fruits et des expressions idiomatiques, avec en plus de jolies images pleines de détails.

Les Orteils n’ont pas de Nom - Jean Leroy



Un autre gros succès, jouant sur la répétition et un façon plus intéressante d’introduire du vocabulaire qu’un énième livre-liste.

La Moustache d’Eustache- Sandra Solinet



Simple et joli. L’idée est très sympa, même si encore une fois, on est très loin du niveau des anglais.

Mention Spéciale 1 : Limite bébé/ plus grand

Deux TRES jolis livres en ce qui concerne les illustrations, mais qui sont des traductions du japonais, donc la langue n’y est pas franchement remarquable, ce qui pousse leur intérêt vers les plus grands, puisque l’histoire prend le devant sur les mots.

La Pomme Rouge – Kazuo Iwamura



Légèrement plus simple que ses autres classiques (la série « La famille souris » est et reste un énorme succès chez nous) avec des dessins magnifiques, mais je ne l’ai pas vu en cartonné, ce qui rend la lecture avec les tout-petits plus difficile et ils ont moins accroché.

Bloub-Bloub-Bloub –Yuichi Kasano



Un livre mignon et rigolo, mais la traduction (ou l’original ?) rend le langage un peu maladroit et inutilement compliqué. Et encore une fois, je ne l’ai vu qu’en tout petit format, clairement conçu avec des apprentis-lecteurs en tête plutôt que de très jeunes enfants

Mention Spéciale 2 :

Deux livres avec des concepts rigolos, mais avec un petit bémol

Un Livre – Hervé Tullet



Mes garçons aiment beaucoup, mais le concept est ici largement plus important qu’une histoire, que les images ou que les mots. Limite livre-jouet donc.
Hervé Tullet a en plus l’air d’avoir décliné l’idée en 48 versions, ce qui m’agace toujours un peu.

Mes Petits Bobos - Mathilde Cabanas



Un concept mignon, mais les dessins n’ont pas grand intérêt, et encore une fois, c’est un livre tout petit, donc pas idéal.

NB : Je ne parle ici que de livres pour tout petits, les 0-2/3 ans, j’ai (et j’adore !) plein de livres en français pour les plus grands.

NBB : J’ai le même avec les poèmes pour enfants. Tout ce que j’ai trouvé en français était niais alors que j’ai un livre entier de petites perles en anglais. Du coup pour les poèmes à apprendre pour Morning Time, on est passé directement aux classiques.

NBBB : On refuse de lire en français des choses qui ont été écrites en anglais à l’origine, ce qui nous limite aussi, bien évidemment.

NBBBB: (cet étrange systeme que je viens d'inventer pour ajouter des notes en fin de page n'a aucun sens) si vous avez des livres a me conseiller qui remplissent mon énorme cahier des charges, n'hésitez SURTOUT PAS!!! Sharing is caring.

The State of the Homeschool - or What worked with Jude this year

Exceptionnellement, il existe une version en francais de ce billet, ici.

As I mentioned previously, a little bit by accident, a little bit out of eagerness and curiosity, this year turned out to be our first homeschool year. 

Theoretically I was all for holding off for a little while yet, but when around Christmas Jude started to work out how to read on his own, we ended up injecting a lot more formal education into his life. I think a lot of it has to do with his personality, he LOVES workbooks, and he is very willing to learn things by heart. I was also quite keen to see how I could manage our schedule so as to get everything done (babies, housework and teaching), so I decided to experiment with two "homeschool slots" in our routine which I was planning on keeping pretty low-key and spontaneous. And then I realised that *I* am neither of these things, and so we started things in earnest. 

It took a fair amount of fine-tuning, we definitely hit a point where I was just asking too much of both Jude and I, and it started to take the joy out. Which is why a couple of months ago I replaced the morning "homeschool slot" with "Morning Time" (light some candles, read the Bible, pray, say the poems we have learned so far, practise the one we are learning, read some favourite ones, then read as many books as we have time for) which involves Gabriel better, and definitely feels a lot more fun.

Typical activities during morning time

Literacy:

We started the year intending to mostly do fine-motor exercises, (following this method), play with quantities (we used this a fair amount), learn a few poems and do basic workbooks (did I mention Jude loves workbooks?) - this, and this for example.

After a while Jude could simply fly through all of this and not much was gained by continual repetition, so we upped the ante. My cousin (hi Meige!) suggested this method for learning to read and even sent us the book, because she is awesome. I tried to pace Jude a bit, but we are nearing the end of the book, so I got a bunch of early readers which we are practising on (here and here are some good examples).

In terms of teaching him how to write, I am entirely focused on the mechanics of writing (fine motor skills and spatial understanding on the page), we have finished this and have just started this one, so far so good.

Jude loves to write his own words however (he often uses the French phonemes - he is only learning to read in French so far - to form English words, which is quite fascinating) but I have very little to do with that, beyond deciphering them when he shows his work to me, and praising his efforts.

You get points if you work out what he was trying to write

Numeracy:

Simultaneously we decided to go with the Singapore method for maths, and got this book and workbook, but although doing the operations was pretty easy for Jude, the language element - which is pretty essential with Singapore - was way over his head, so we dropped it, and got a different workbook (this one, which Jude LOVED and was begging to do "one more exercise" all the time). We finished it pretty swiftly and just started this one, which looks promising. 
Simon likes to do extra maths exercises with Jude, but that is a very ad hoc business, as his crazy schedule rarely allows for it.

Other Stuff:

We would like to introduce a bit more music, but Simon is the musician in the family, and we haven't yet worked out how to make it a regular thing.

Matmi is pretty keen though

We have also been learning some poems, as there is no such thing as too early to have beautiful language in your head, and the boys absolutely love reciting them standing on the table - or singing them. We take them one at a time, alternate one in French and one in English, and just go very slowly (as in, we've only just started our fourth this year). We've learnt:

The Friendly Cow - R.L Stevenson
La Grenouille Qui Voulait Se Faire Aussi Grosse que le Boeuf - J. de la Fontaine
I Wandered Lonely As a Cloud - W. Wordsworth

and we have started the last tirade from Act 5, scene 6 of Cyrano de Bergerac - E. Rostand.

We also have this fabulous book, from which I take requests during morning time (if someone fancies doing something similar for French poems, please! I could use one!).

Finally, as part of our rosary group, the children do weekly (more or less!) liturgical year activities, and you know, lead a normal life, drawing, cutting, pasting, riding bikes, running around, painting themselves with mud and taking long walks in the woods!

And how to help out around the house, obviously

Overall, I am glad we went for it, I am glad we started figuring things out, and Jude seems none the worse for it. I don't know whether we will start Gabriel on a similar course *quite* that early nonetheless. It does occasionally feel a bit unnecessary and we don't know yet how eager Gabriel will be to do formal learning. At the moment he is pretty keen to get involved but we shall see how things evolve.

Bilan de la Première Année IEF

For the version in English, click here.

Un peu par accident et un peu par enthousiasme, cette année s’est trouvée être notre première année d’école à la maison (ou IEF, comme disent les Français du milieu). 

A l’origine j’avais seulement l’intention d‘expérimenter avec des activités très simples, plus pour me rendre compte des difficultés d’enseigner tout en s’occupant des enfants et de la maison que parce que je pensais qu’il y avait un réel besoin. Mais vers Noël, Jude commençait à apprendre à déchiffrer tout seul, donc on a décidé de sauter le pas vers du plus formel. On a aussi remarqué que de lui faire utiliser ses petites cellules grises un peu plus intensément avait un effet merveilleux sur son comportement.

Comme vous le remarquerez dans les détails qui suivent (et comme je l’ai déjà mentionné ailleurs), Jude ADORE les cahiers d’activités, mais il a plus de mal avec les activités purement créatives – il a un côté très perfectionniste, donc il résiste souvent aux tâches « ouvertes ». Mon plan de départ incluait une espèce de vision chimérique de créations spontanées, suivant nos inspirations du moment (probablement avec des fleurs partout, des oiseaux qui chantent, et une maman qui n’émet rien d’autre qu’un rire cristallin quand son rejeton chéri met de la peinture partout en plein élan créatif). Comme il se trouve que la maman au rire cristallin, en fait, ce n’est pas moi, bizarrement, ça ne s’est pas passé comme ça. Après pas mal d’essais, on a fini par trouver un système qui fonctionne assez bien. On a donc deux « Temps » IEF dans la journée, Morning Time, plus informel, et LEALM (L’Ecole A La Maison) l’après-midi pour faire les choses un peu plus difficiles.

Ma vue depuis le canapé quand on fait Morning Time

Pour Morning Time, Gabriel participe, on allume des bougies (TRES important pour les garçons, les bougies) on lit la Bible et on prie. Ensuite on récite les poèmes qu’on a appris, on avance un (tout petit) peu sur celui qu’on est en train d’apprendre, puis on lit ceux qui nous amusent dans ce livre fabuleux (si quelqu’un a envie de créer un équivalent français, je suis preneuse). Enfin on lit autant de livres que possible. Parfois Jude nous lit un petit texte lui aussi, mais en général je ne force pas trop.

L’après-midi c’est juste Jude (Gabriel est soit en train de faire la sieste, soit de profiter du libre accès au petit train).

Au début de l’année, je ne pensais faire que de la préparation à l’écriture (méthode Dumont, ici, et ici), travailler un peu sur la compréhension des quantités (avec ça, un boulier et quelques ressources ad hoc) et faire quelques cahiers d’activités tous simples. Mais Jude s’est assez rapidement ennuyé donc on a cherché à approfondir. Ma cousine chérie (coucou Meige!) nous a conseillé la méthode Boscher (ici) et nous a même envoyé le livre, parce que c’est vraiment une cousine fantastique, et ça a très bien marché. On a presque fini le livre (je fais exprès de bien prendre mon temps) et donc maintenant on complète avec des petits livres pour lecteurs débutants que Jude est tout fier de lire tout seul (ceux-ci sont très bien faits, pour ceux que ça intéresse).


Au niveau de l’apprentissage de l’écriture, pour le moment je me concentre sur la motricité fine et la « gestion de l’espace graphique » (comme dit madame Dumont) mais Jude adore essayer de former des mots tout seul (il utilise souvent les phonèmes français pour retranscrire des mots anglais, ce qui donne des résultats assez fascinants). Mais là je le laisse entièrement faire et je n’interviens que pour déchiffrer ce qu’il me présente, tout fier (même si c’est souvent quand j’ai déjà Mathilde dans un bras et le déjeuner dans l’autre) et le féliciter.

Challenge déchiffrage! 

Au niveau mathématiques, on a d’abord fait un trop gros saut en passant des cahiers basiques et trop faciles à la méthode Singapour (ici). Si les opérations étaient très faisables, la partie langage (qui est cruciale dans cette méthode), dépassait complètement son niveau de maturité, donc on est revenus aux cahiers (celui-ci a été de loin le préféré, très bien fait et juste la bonne quantité de challenge). J’ai récemment trouvé un compromis entre les deux (ici) qui est prometteur.

Simon ajoute ses propres exercices quand il a le temps (pas très souvent, donc), ne serait-ce que pour que Jude soit aussi à l’aise avec les termes anglais et français.


En ce qui concerne le reste, nous aimerions beaucoup inclure un peu plus d’éveil musical, mais vu que le musicien de la famille est aussi un junior doctor surbooké, on n’a pas encore réussi à trouver un bon système.

Matmi est prête !

On apprend aussi des poèmes, en alternant un anglais et un français et en allant tout doucement (on en est seulement à notre quatrième de l’année) parce qu’il n’est jamais trop tôt pour se remplir la tête de mots fabuleux. Les garçons adorent monter sur la table pour les réciter (ou les chanter). Jusqu’ici nous avons fait :

• The Friendly Cow – R.L. Stevenson
• La Grenouille qui Voulait se Faire aussi Grosse que le Bœuf – J. de la Fontaine
• I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud – W. Wordsworth
• Acte 5 Scène 6, dernière tirade, Cyrano de Bergerac – E. Rostand

Sinon nous faisons partie d’un groupe chapelet pour les mamans/éveil à la foi pour les enfants (un groupe qui a donc besoin d’un nom plus simple) où nous organisons des activités (plus ou moins) hebdomadaires qui suivent l’année liturgique. Un autre de nos groupes reprend le concept des « Nature Walks » encouragées par Charlotte Mason avec d’autres familles IEF et encourage les enfants à s’intéresser à leur environnement. Et puis, comme tout le monde, ils coupent, collent, dessinent, colorient, font du vélo et se roulent dans la boue.

Et ils aident a la maison

Globalement, je suis contente de m’être lancée même si c’est un peu tôt et que certains jours je me demande pourquoi je fais déjà tout ça (la réponse? et bien en fait je ne suis pas la maman relax au rire cristallin et avec des fleurs dans les cheveux et que ça ne sert à rien de prétendre le contraire). Je ne sais pas si on fera la même chose pour Gabriel ou si on attendra plus longtemps, peut-être qu’il bénéficiera du fait que je saurai un peu plus à quoi m’attendre et que je serai du coup (quand même un peu) plus zen. On verra comment les choses évoluent et si il est demandeur.

How Do you Make Them Like Vegetables? + Epic Recipe

Among the many millions of things parents are required to worry about these days, diet has to be in the top five (you know, along with breastfeeding hand-wringing, terrorising each other over gentle parenting, and over-analysing screen-time and media consumption).

*Little pause to give parents time to hyperventilate.*

Better?

Good.

So, my kids actually eat plenty of vegetables, even though I have one super-picky eater <cough> Tigger <cough>, and no handy older kid for the younger ones to want to emulate. And especially with Jude, we did get to the point where he was just eating beige food all the time (being Tigger he has a crazy metabolism, which means if we don't fill him up at dinner, he will wake up starving at 5am). So if that is where you are right now, I hear you sister!

But we tried a few things, and these days, meals are mostly not an issue (knocks on wood).

First and foremost, Simon and I had a long chat to mentally prepare for the tackling of the end of the beige kingdom. You know, reminding each other that Jude was not going to just let himself starve, and that missing a meal is unpleasant, but in Jude's case at least, definitely not life-threatening.

Buoyed up and ready, we simply implemented the "you eat up your plate or you get nothing else". There were tears, there were a few trips to his bedroom so he could calm himself down a bit. There were a couple of missed meals. But once he realised that we did in fact, mean what we said, he simply ate. 

Being a super-picky eater though, there were (still occasionally are!) times when he chose to go to bed hungry rather than finish his plate, but there is no more drama about it. One of the things we definitely did not want to find ourselves doing, was pleading endlessly with him for "one more mouthful of broccoli" with subsequent bribes/punishment/general loss of peace and tempers.

A few extra things that help are:

- soups! Blended! with as much bread as they like! (This is 80% of their lunches, I try many different recipes, I just blend them all. They don't uniformly love them, but they eat them, no problem. And it means I don't feel bad about pasta for dinner if I know they've already eaten plenty of vegetables for lunch.)

- pairing vegetables they refuse with a food they will definitely want seconds off (toad-in-the-hole were the gateway drug for Jude liking peas and green beans).

- when introducing new food/textures/recipes, I do it repeatedly and in very small quantities. Basically, they have an entree of a couple of mouthfuls of something unfamiliar, and once they've (extremely quickly) cleaned up their plates, they can have as much as they like of a familiar food (even if it means just sandwiches). Over time, unfamiliar vegetables and textures become familiar, and voila! One more thing I can make them and rely on them gobbling up.

Hopefully we will get to a point where they are just happy to try new food, but right now in toddlerdom, we'll call it good enough.

As promised though, I also have a magic bullet recipe. It's great for a picnic, has vegetables in, can be eaten hot or cold, made in advance or in 30 minutes and is a huge crowd-pleaser:

Vegetable Cupcakes

(Adapted from an original recipe I found there - it's a great cookbook in general, each recipe has tons of possible alternatives and everything is super easy to make, highly recommend! *I get no money for saying this, not even from Amazon!)

to make around 20 small cupcakes

what it will look like

1 large courgette (or 2 small ones)

1 large carrot

- or around 200g of whichever vegetables you want to use, aubergine would work well for example - 

125g of goat cheese

125g of cheddar/gruyere

175g flour

6 eggs

6 tblsp vegetable oil

preheat the oven to 200C

• grate the carrot and (unpeeled) courgette, crumble the goat cheese and mix together
• grate the cheddar, measure out the flour and add both to the vegetable mix
• combine together
• in a separate bowl, lightly whisk the eggs then add oil, salt and pepper
• whisk together to combine
• pour the egg mixture onto the vegetable mixture
• stir together
• oil your silicone cupcake liners, or don't bother if you are using paper ones
• plop the mixture into each liner - you can fill them up to the top - they will rise in the oven then sink back down a bit
• pop in the oven until the top in brown (15 minutes? I'm not sure, I always just eyeball it)

Voila! As I said, they are good hot or cold. You can make it into a loaf as well, but unless you have a well-oiled silicone cake mold, it will probably stick to the sides, you have been warned!

Now enjoy your picnic, knowing you have manged to get some vegetables in your children.

You are welcome. 

The Messiness of Gratitude

Picture this scene: one woman walks along a street, a plate of food in one hand, a child on one hip, two or three more running about ahead of her. She rings a door, and an harried woman of a similar age opens it, with a similar number of children noisily making their presence known behind her. 

*

The first woman has spent her morning wrangling her children whilst trying to cook two meals. Maybe she succeeded, but lost her temper so many times she is basically unable to bear another word from her children. Maybe she succeeded by putting her children in front of screens, and knows she is about the pay for it in kind when she gets home, because the children will be post-screen hellions. Maybe she failed to make her own lunch, and knows that when she gets home after this errand, she will have to face screaming, hangry, children and throw not-particularly-healthy-definitely-not-made-from-scratch food in their general direction and hope that the storm will abate.

*

The second woman has spent all morning wrangling her own children whilst feeling exhausted. Maybe the children were up taking turns being sick all night long. Maybe she has a newborn and can barely stand up. Maybe she has depression, and getting out of bed in the morning was a task so wildly beyond her strength that she has not. Or she has, but could do nothing else and now she is dishevelled, stained and harried, and she knows it as she opens the door. 

How is the exchange going to go? we actually all know it already.

Woman 1: Hi! How are you feeling? I made you some lasagna, I hope it's ok.

Woman 2: Oh, wow! Thank you so much! How DO you manage to do all of this? That is just too kind!

Woman 1: Not at all, don't worry, it was absolutely no bother! I had x/y/z reason which made it totally manageable!

Maybe the second woman will close the door and feel inadequate, maybe even resent the first woman. She will appoint herself a failure, and the kind gesture will end up being so poisonous to her self-esteem that it might as well not have happened.

Maybe the second woman will leave feeling slightly short-changed. Maybe she will try and reason that really, she shouldn't be doing these things for gratitude. Maybe she will congratulate herself on her charity and forbearance, but somehow it will feel hollow. And she will definitely not consider how terrible she made that other woman feel by pretending like taking on extra duties is absolutely no bother, since she has everything so much under control so much of the time.

Recently I have been reflecting on such scenes, on how they might repeat themselves with swapped roles on another aspect of life, or even the same one, a few months later or prior. There is a lot that can (and is!) said about our various charisms, and how they complement each other. How we shouldn't feel guilty when another appears more successful in certain aspects of life. All good things, and needing to be said.

But I wonder whether there isn't something more broadly amiss in such scenes, beyond the problems of self-esteem. We, the two women in this exchange, are hiding from each other. Maybe we are even hiding behind virtuous-sounding excuses - "I am being so humble by recognising her mastery", "I am actually avoiding putting extra-guilt on her shoulders by glossing over my own efforts" - We must be doing something right, right? 

Except no.

What we are doing is hiding. Hiding from the terrible, terrifying truth of what is truly at work in such scenes. What we do not, ever, want to admit, is that behind every such act of service given and received, there is an "I love you". And love is messy, vulnerable and binding. How can we possibly brook such a thing? Love isn't nice, and tidy. Love is not fair. Love often means  being in debt with each other. Depending on each other.

We don't really know how to give and receive love between friends anymore, I think. We certainly don't know how to give and receive it from acquaintances. From that pesky "neighbour" of Jesus'. That guy who just happens to be nearby, rather than one we have chosen and cultivated so that we feel good in his presence.

We can't possibly expose ourselves that way. We can't be seen to give love when we render a service, one that requires sacrifice. We can't possible focus on receiving love by being simply grateful, or seeing the loving act for what it is. No. It's much safer to pretend like it was no bother. Not a service. Not an act of love. 

Just you know, a thing that doesn't matter.

It's not like we're expected to just go about and just GIVE LOVE to all and sundry. That's just preposterous.

No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends if you do as I command you. I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father. You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last so the the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name. I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another.

John 15: 13-17

Just Do That One Thing

"I doing push-ups Maman!"

For a while now, I have been meaning to write about resolutions, and how to keep them and all the things that can help you do just that.

Funnily enough, this is something that I would not have pictured myself doing. At. All. just a couple of years ago. 

I tell a lie. 

I did not manage to follow through on a single resolution in my entire life until January 2017. I had even created a whole rationalisation about it, involving excuses about how I am not naturally self-disciplined and bla, bla, bla. And yet, somehow, in 2017 I did it. Almost effortlessly. I somehow became a self-discipline aficionada, a habit evangelist, the worst person to whom you could ever tell you mean to pick up a new habit/resolution (unless you are ready to be drowned in advice, pointers and bullet-pointed action plans - if that is the case, then please, do come my way! My friends will thank you for the respite).

So anyway. What turned me into a resolution bully, I hear a chorus of sweet voices wondering?

I'm so glad you asked.

There were books, there were tick charts, considering motivation, pegging new habits to old ones, there were many things. And they all helped, and I am happy to detail them (in fact, I probably will - consider yourself warned - because this is my blog, and I think the whole thing is fascinating). But a couple of weeks back, it suddenly clicked. I suddenly realised what had actually made the change. 

The Heroic Minute. (Scroll down, it's number 206 - I mean, don't scroll down, read, Escriva is the best, but you know, not all of it is directly relevant to this post.)

The resolution I took in January 2017 was to get up at 6am every morning,and to get up straight away. And now, looking back, I can trace all my subsequent successful habit-creation to that one decision. 

I can see why that would be the case on a practical level: I gave myself more time by doing it, and also made it very tangible that I could have more time if I needed (which I did, I now get up at 5:30am). Getting up before the children also did wonders to my attitude towards them, since I wake myself up to do things I want to do, rather than being dragged out of bed (figuratively) kicking and screaming (also figuratively - most of the time) by the noise of my waking children. The still-sleeping children are also a huge help by acting like a kind of time bomb, which makes it very relevant that I DO get up RIGHT NOW because every minute counts. All these obvious built-in motivational factors definitely helped me keep the resolution, and I don't doubt that having succeeded once, I felt empowered to take on more. 

All this is true.

But I think the true reason behind why this was such an effective habit to pick up is this: Escriva describes it as starting the day with a victory over yourself which then sets the right tone for the rest of your waking hours. I personally prefer to think of it as starting the day by punching Satan in the face - and who wouldn't want to do that?
Feel free to ignore my slightly violent tendencies - but in any case try it! Since I'm backed by a saint on this one, I feel confident this will have tremendous impact on your life, so go set a time and tomorrow, get up, straight away. Start your day mastering yourself, I guarantee you won't regret it.