The Worm

So, Patapon has finally decided to crawl, after a month of haphazard rolling to places and 360º rounds of futility which always ended in tears (because you go nowhere when you go in a circle, Chesterton said it).

Now, one of the things I really like about raising babies in England is the complete absence of emphasis on milestones (others may have a different perspective, but as I have declined having any extra dealings with health visitors – and face once more my inadequacies as a chit-chatter? The horror! ‒ I have been blissfully ignorant).

Patapon’s health book has a list of them, but no approximate time as to when he is supposed to reach each one. So far, I have been very good at not asking the internet, keeping the stress levels to a minimum, while I enjoy my delusions about how precocious my child is. It’s a great position to be in.

Yesterday, however, a lady at a mums’ group I attend, took it upon herself to rain on my parade. She had the effrontery to suggest (the cheek of the woman, I cannot...), to evoke the possibility, that perhaps, maybe, Patapon (who is by all –my‒ accounts, a child-genius) was ... (you will not believe this)... a late crawler.

I know. I was shocked too.

WELL, Madam My-Eight-months-old-can-cruise, can your eight-month old express delight through ritual feet-wagging?

Food-welcoming Ritual

Does he open his mouth so wide when any type of food is offered that you sometimes wonder how he is not hurting himself?

Also, he has 4 teeth! How many does yours have? Loser!

Can he express his angst at the realisation that the universe may, alas, alas, only hold a finite supply of Tupperware (hang in there, Patapon) through the Pose of Despair?

The Pose of Despair comes with Dramatic Floor-Drumming

And ANYWAYS, lady, Patapon only took a while because he was devising an entirely new and brilliant technique, all on his own, from the sheer genius of his creative mind. We call it the Worm.

Step 1: gather feet, push arms forward

Step 2,3 and 4: Flatten bottom, wriggle knees, mini jump forward, keeping legs together at all times

Ha! Take that! 

No problems mastering new skills, when it comes to reaching Tupperware

  ~Disclaimer : I am mocking myself here, not the poor unsuspecting lady~