I am very lucky in most respects. I have a house, food, shelter, support, a lovely baby and a lovely husband. So really, I should be spending my days in thanksgiving.
And yet...
I can't help but picture the things I could have when Simon is done studying (instead of focusing on the fact that he gets to be home early most days, can help with everything and absolutely loves studying - I am working on it).
Always wanting more.
If only I could have this.
Instead of having to do this (which only works when the English weather listens to me, which it does at best very occasionally).
Seeing this from my windows.
Or really, anything further than 10 meters would be grand (aaah, terraced houses! So quaint! So no-view-of-anything).
So I make plans, pinterest boards, wishing these days over, Patapon older, the house bigger, so we can do all the things!
Too much ingratitude.
I wish I could enjoy the minute garden like Patapon does.
There is a French film I love, called Uranus, in which one of the characters says "If a man had come to Earth only to see, once, one daisy, he wouldn't have wasted his time."
Or this (it was basically the best day of his life at that point, whilst we were wishing for a working shredder).
So, today, I'm having a do-over. I'm grateful for the sunshine (finally! - oops, sorry. That sort of slipped in. Right, trying again), for Simon being home all afternoon, for Jude simple love of all his books, for his glee when he sees us after his nap, for enough money in the bank to get some nice groceries in later, for having finished SOME projects:
Gratitude. Working on it. Failing. Working some more on it.
Eventually some of it is bound to stick!
Right?
*** Update : the Simon Police did not like my creation of new words around "gratefulness", so I've turned to more orthodox vocabulary ***
And yet...
I can't help but picture the things I could have when Simon is done studying (instead of focusing on the fact that he gets to be home early most days, can help with everything and absolutely loves studying - I am working on it).
Always wanting more.
If only I could have this.
 |
| Tumble dryers are so dreamy. |
Instead of having to do this (which only works when the English weather listens to me, which it does at best very occasionally).
Seeing this from my windows.
 |
| via |
Or really, anything further than 10 meters would be grand (aaah, terraced houses! So quaint! So no-view-of-anything).
 |
| via |
So I make plans, pinterest boards, wishing these days over, Patapon older, the house bigger, so we can do all the things!
Too much ingratitude.
I wish I could enjoy the minute garden like Patapon does.
There is a French film I love, called Uranus, in which one of the characters says "If a man had come to Earth only to see, once, one daisy, he wouldn't have wasted his time."
Or this (it was basically the best day of his life at that point, whilst we were wishing for a working shredder).
So, today, I'm having a do-over. I'm grateful for the sunshine (finally! - oops, sorry. That sort of slipped in. Right, trying again), for Simon being home all afternoon, for Jude simple love of all his books, for his glee when he sees us after his nap, for enough money in the bank to get some nice groceries in later, for having finished SOME projects:
 |
| Bring it on, Father's day, I'm actually ready for once! |
Gratitude. Working on it. Failing. Working some more on it.
Eventually some of it is bound to stick!
Right?
*** Update : the Simon Police did not like my creation of new words around "gratefulness", so I've turned to more orthodox vocabulary ***
For a bit of perspective, I am struggling right now with extreme frustration because the neighborhood where we are currently living does not allow clotheslines (although I definitely agree that living without a dryer would be difficult!) and when my husband was in grad school, 60-70 hour weeks were considered somewhat light. Many students put in much more time than that. We had three children under age five when he graduated, and I still thank God nearly every day that grad school is over. My babies are growing fast, and I miss those years in some ways - but not the part where we had to scrounge for pennies at the end of the pay cycle!
ReplyDeleteHaha, washlines are alright, it's much MUCH worse when I can't use it!
DeleteI'm trying to be grateful for the no money/ more time of Simon's studies, because once he's a doctor, it'll definitely be a horrendous schedule for a good few years! (and nights! gasp!)