Tuesday, 16 June 2015

&%#%*@ English Weather

Dear English Weather,

Since there appears to have been a certain amount of miscommunication between us, I am going to explain to you what we need VERY SLOWLY, so you understand.

This is the current month we are in:

Not this:

And I am not interested in the amount of alcohol you have ingested in order to be this confused. Listening to your excuses would only be encouraging you.

Now, SUMMER, is like this:


Not this:


Temperatures should be like this:


Not this:


Again, I DO NOT care that summer officially starts in 5 days. The very LEAST you could do, English weather, is make it feel almost summery, when it is almost summer.

I want to wear this:

NOT this:

My coat is in the loft, WHERE IT BELONGS! Because it's JUNE.
I have a lot of extremely cute short dungarees Jude needs to wear. You are wasting everybody's time and money, Weather.

And none of that: "Look it's sunny! Go outside! Wear all the summer stuff! @#%& it's windy and freezing..." routine. That's just cruel and unnecessary. 


I'll be watching you.

NB: So far, you seem to have been listening to me today, Weather. I'm STILL watching you.

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